I recently learned from a well-read lecturer in my community that the Prophet (PBUH) once sat reiterating something along the lines of "Be good/obedient/dutiful to your parents" and someone asked, "Even if they abuse you?" And he said, "Yes, even if they abuse you."

Please note that I heard this in a different language and I may have mistranslated the word 'abuse' but the meaning is more or less the same hence the reasoning behind my query

I was upset, because this is something that hit close to home. My mother, now deceased, was extremely abusive of me, not in the traditional sense in that she beat me and was an alcoholic, but she abused me psychologically and emotionally so that it's had severe repercussions on my life, both personal and social, ever since.

So I want to ask whether or not Islam excuses abusive parenting? Because everywhere I've read it only says that you can disobey your parents if they tell you to do haraam things/things that are un-Islamic in nature. But I don't see anywhere that says anything about abusive parenting, and I only see both hadith and Quranic verses stressing on the importance of being good and thinking well of your parents always. It upsets me because I think Allah would never hold my mother accountable for damaging me like this but rather turn it on me for daring to think ill of her.